Certain things in life should be free.
Air for your tires.
A glass of water when you're thirsty.
Sperm for example.
I want to know, who were the people sitting around a conference table that thought
"Damn, we could make a killing if we bottle that shit!"
I understand that it is quite the hot commodity if you are in need.
I get it, believe me.
I am one of the commodity seekers.
I have researched this and have come up with some interesting details.
This is information based on the sperm bank I use.
(Trust me, from my lips to God's ears, I never thought I would utter that sentence.)
The donor of the sperm receives $75 dollars for each donation.
They get approximately 4 vials from each donation.
They then "wash" the sperm.
How does one gain the qualifications to become a sperm washer?
Is it a promotion from specimen cup washer?
Anyway, in the end I am then charged $480.00 per vial.
So, to recap....
They pay $75 dollars.
I pay $480.00 per vial.
$480 X 4 is $1920.
That means they are making a profit of $1845 dollars each time some college student
jerks off a wad into a cup.
Who's the dick here?
I am so in the wrong medical field.
I say, put up some girly posters in my basement.
Sterilize some Tupperware containers.
Shit, I'd even breathe heavy in their ear for that kind of profit.
But no, I am poor sap getting ripped off.
Sperm should be free.
No matter how you obtain it.
I understand it is precious cargo.
It may even contain brain matter.
You've all met guys who fall into that category.
Who knew so much money was to be made?
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Monday, September 3, 2007
Getting To Know You!!!
Found this meme on a website called the Daily Meme.
Where is your cell phone? Kitchen Counter
Relationship? Who the hell knows these days?
Your hair? Short, Brown, with an increasing # of gray.
Work? Too much.
Your favorite thing? Chicken Pot Pie. Sorry, I'm starving.
Your dream last night? Didn't sleep because I was at work.
Favorite Drink? Dunkin Donuts Coffee. Iced, Hot it really don't
matter too much.
Your dream car? Volvo XC90 SUV
The room you’re in? Kitchen.
Your shoes? Black Ariat Clogs
Your fears? SPIDERS!!!!!!!!
What do you want to be in 10 years? A mother.
Who did you hang out with this weekend? My aunt, her
3 small children and my grandmother.
What are you not good at? Tactfulness. I sometimes forget
to use my filter. (Okay, most of the time.)
Muffin? Blueberry Coffeecake from a small breakfast place
where I live.
One of your wish list items? MegaMillions anyone??
Where you grew up? Cape Cod.
Last thing you did? Drove home from work.
What are you wearing? Jeans and a sweater.
What aren’t you wearing? Socks and shoes.
Your pet? None.
Your computer? HP laptop.
Your life? Not enough writing room.
Your mood? Eh??
Missing? My mind at the moment.
What are you thinking about right now? The last question.
Your car? Kia Sorento.
Your kitchen? Soon to be remodeled.
Your summer? What summer, I worked.
Your favorite color? Blue.
Last time you laughed? Just a few minutes ago when I stepped
on the scale. Hysterical I tell you!!
Last time you cried? Saturday, when I got my period.
School? Done.
Love? My family and my friends. They are my world. I love you guys.
Where is your cell phone? Kitchen Counter
Relationship? Who the hell knows these days?
Your hair? Short, Brown, with an increasing # of gray.
Work? Too much.
Your favorite thing? Chicken Pot Pie. Sorry, I'm starving.
Your dream last night? Didn't sleep because I was at work.
Favorite Drink? Dunkin Donuts Coffee. Iced, Hot it really don't
matter too much.
Your dream car? Volvo XC90 SUV
The room you’re in? Kitchen.
Your shoes? Black Ariat Clogs
Your fears? SPIDERS!!!!!!!!
What do you want to be in 10 years? A mother.
Who did you hang out with this weekend? My aunt, her
3 small children and my grandmother.
What are you not good at? Tactfulness. I sometimes forget
to use my filter. (Okay, most of the time.)
Muffin? Blueberry Coffeecake from a small breakfast place
where I live.
One of your wish list items? MegaMillions anyone??
Where you grew up? Cape Cod.
Last thing you did? Drove home from work.
What are you wearing? Jeans and a sweater.
What aren’t you wearing? Socks and shoes.
Your pet? None.
Your computer? HP laptop.
Your life? Not enough writing room.
Your mood? Eh??
Missing? My mind at the moment.
What are you thinking about right now? The last question.
Your car? Kia Sorento.
Your kitchen? Soon to be remodeled.
Your summer? What summer, I worked.
Your favorite color? Blue.
Last time you laughed? Just a few minutes ago when I stepped
on the scale. Hysterical I tell you!!
Last time you cried? Saturday, when I got my period.
School? Done.
Love? My family and my friends. They are my world. I love you guys.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
GOD GIVE ME AT LEAST A LITTLE STRENGTH!
I swear to god.
I try to be a good daughter, friend, co-worker, whatever.
I really do.
But some days.
Oh.
My.
God.
Some days you just want to be alone.
Like today.
I would have been perfectly happy to spend the day by myself.
BUT NO!
"Other People" had plans for my day off.
Shopping.
Don't get me wrong.
On a good day I can pack away a lot of stuff on sale but today I was not in the mood.
I wanted to just stay home and enjoy my day off.
You see, I go back to work tomorrow night and I work the next 8 overnights in a row.
I just want a day to myself.
PLEASE.
LEAVE.
ME.
BE.
PLEASE.
I beg of you.
Just one day.
PLEASE.
The someone who was involved in today's "shopping" is also my mother.
It is hard to tell your mother to go away.
Although she does frequently tell me that she needs a ME day.
What the hell is that.
I am an only child and I am almost 36 years old.
My mother has been divorced for 34 years.
Who the hell is she taking care of that she can't have a "ME" day everyday.
Are you kidding me?
Is it so wrong to want to be alone for just a few hours that do not include sleepy time?
I try to be a good daughter, friend, co-worker, whatever.
I really do.
But some days.
Oh.
My.
God.
Some days you just want to be alone.
Like today.
I would have been perfectly happy to spend the day by myself.
BUT NO!
"Other People" had plans for my day off.
Shopping.
Don't get me wrong.
On a good day I can pack away a lot of stuff on sale but today I was not in the mood.
I wanted to just stay home and enjoy my day off.
You see, I go back to work tomorrow night and I work the next 8 overnights in a row.
I just want a day to myself.
PLEASE.
LEAVE.
ME.
BE.
PLEASE.
I beg of you.
Just one day.
PLEASE.
The someone who was involved in today's "shopping" is also my mother.
It is hard to tell your mother to go away.
Although she does frequently tell me that she needs a ME day.
What the hell is that.
I am an only child and I am almost 36 years old.
My mother has been divorced for 34 years.
Who the hell is she taking care of that she can't have a "ME" day everyday.
Are you kidding me?
Is it so wrong to want to be alone for just a few hours that do not include sleepy time?
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Be Brave People.
To all you people out there I sort of stole this from a few blogs and made them into one "meme". If you're up to it...answer and post on your blog
It's all in fun after all. No judging...Well, maybe just a little.
1. What's the sexiest type of underwear?
I like my guys au naturale. For women, seriously, I really don't care...just not interested in that, but I do have an observation. Pull the dental floss out of your ass!
2. Would you/have you ever paid money for sex?
As in prostitution...NO. As a sex game...Yes! Don't ask.
3. Is facial/body hair sexy or no? (Moustache, chest, etc. for men, and underarms/legs for women.) Or do you frankly not care?
Facial hair is fine, Chest hair..definitely. BACK HAIR IS A NO!!!!
And although I am not attracted to the female species, Honey...Shave yourself.
4. What is the strangest thing you've ever seen featured in pornography?
Cows...Anyone? Just kidding, not into porn. Rather do the deed than watch someone else do the deed.
It's all in fun after all. No judging...Well, maybe just a little.
1. What's the sexiest type of underwear?
I like my guys au naturale. For women, seriously, I really don't care...just not interested in that, but I do have an observation. Pull the dental floss out of your ass!
2. Would you/have you ever paid money for sex?
As in prostitution...NO. As a sex game...Yes! Don't ask.
3. Is facial/body hair sexy or no? (Moustache, chest, etc. for men, and underarms/legs for women.) Or do you frankly not care?
Facial hair is fine, Chest hair..definitely. BACK HAIR IS A NO!!!!
And although I am not attracted to the female species, Honey...Shave yourself.
4. What is the strangest thing you've ever seen featured in pornography?
Cows...Anyone? Just kidding, not into porn. Rather do the deed than watch someone else do the deed.
5. What's worse, not enough sex or too much? Is there such a thing as "too much"? Is this really even a question...Too little..Hello!
6. Have you ever gone out on a date with someone and went home with someone else? Explain. No, but boy I should have.
7. What is your favorite sex scene in a regular movie (not porn)? Why? The movie 9 1/2 weeks, Kim Basinger, Mickey Rourke, Him feeding her blind folded. Okay, maybe I just have a food addiction but that scene does it for me.
8. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? What would you change on your SO? For myself, I would have become more outspoken and sure of myself. It has taken me way too long to get to the person I am today. As for my S.O. , he knows what it is.
9. Should guys wear pink? Polo Oxford..Yes. Underwear..No.
10. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed? A little of both. And let me just say, I could kiss for hours. Oh. My. God.
11. What is the first "non-physical" feature you tend to notice about a person you find attractive? Whether they look into my eyes when they speak to me.
12. Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex? HELL YEAH!!
13. Would you rather receive amazing oral sex or have amazing sex? Amazing Sex, hands down.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Decorum, Shmorum.
So anyway, if you read the other blog you
all know that we had a little shindig at my
house last night.
We talked about our families, children, jobs,
mutual acquaintances.
Then it happened, the unthinkable.
Someone brought up barnyard sex.
And knockers.
And this attachment in the shower that
someone claims was to spray off your legs when
you shave.
Yeah, Okay.
Then we had to know, do you leave it on spray,
jet, or the all encompassing pulse...now I ask
you?
The neighbors must have been wondering what
the hell all the laughing was from, or snorting in one
person's case. (Sorry S.)
And the snort made us laugh even harder.
So, I must say, where was the decorum?
Out the fucking window, that's where it was.
God, I love these girls.
That's why we're still friends after all these years.
Sick I know.
all know that we had a little shindig at my
house last night.
We talked about our families, children, jobs,
mutual acquaintances.
Then it happened, the unthinkable.
Someone brought up barnyard sex.
And knockers.
And this attachment in the shower that
someone claims was to spray off your legs when
you shave.
Yeah, Okay.
Then we had to know, do you leave it on spray,
jet, or the all encompassing pulse...now I ask
you?
The neighbors must have been wondering what
the hell all the laughing was from, or snorting in one
person's case. (Sorry S.)
And the snort made us laugh even harder.
So, I must say, where was the decorum?
Out the fucking window, that's where it was.
God, I love these girls.
That's why we're still friends after all these years.
Sick I know.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
It's a Little Known Fact.
I got this meme from my friend K. who copied it off a friend of hers.
Like you need to know any more intimate details of my life.... but here
I go anyway.
1. Do you still have tonsils? Yes
2. Would you bungee jump? Been there, done that in Cancun.
3. If you could do anything in the world for a living, what would it be? Private Detective.
4. How many tattoos do you have? None.
5. Your favorite fictional animal? Hobbes, from Calvin and Hobbes
6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? I'm a pretty easy target.
7. Do you consider yourself well organized? Absolutely. To a fault.
8. Any Addictions? Love, baby.
9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? MSNBC.
10.Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? Circus.
11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? Pediatrician.
12. Best Movie You've Seen This Year? Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix.
Unbelievable. But as some of my close friends know, I dress up as Bellatrix when I'm alone.
I'm just kidding, Geez.
13. Favorite alcoholic drink? Calypso Cooler from Sam Diego's.
14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Pee. I'm practicing for
pregnancy.
15. Siblings? No,Thank Christ.
16. What is the best thing about your job? BABIES.
17. Have you ever gone to therapy? Have you met me?
18. If you could have one super power what would it be? Read minds.
19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? No.
20. Have you ever gone camping? Yes, and in an actual tent.
21. Gas prices! First thought? I at least like to get a kiss when I get fucked.
22. Your favorite cartoon character? Winnie-the-Pooh. We share the same birthday.
23. What was your first car? 1983 Blue Nissan Stanza nicknamed the "Turbo Beastette".
24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? 35 and unmarried, you tell me.
25. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? Cos.
26. Do you go to church?Christ, No. (Sorry)
27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Oprah.
28. What errand/chore do you despise? I don't do floors. Don't sweep. Don't mop. Don't vacuum.
29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? My alarm went off at 10pm last night
so I could get up and go to work, what do you think?
30. Last time you puked from drinking? Same day as the bungee jump. You didn't think I
did that sober, did you?
31. What is your heritage? English, Irish, Indian, and Townie.
32.Favorite flower? Tulips and Peonies.
33. Disney or Warner Bros? Disney.
34. What is your best childhood memory? When I was little, my
grandparents had competing vegetable gardens.
My grandfather and I used to go out to her garden
and pick the cucumbers.
Then we would sit outside with a pocket knife and a
salt shaker and eat them.
She never could figure out why her cucumbers just
wouldn't grow. (Sorry, Nana.)
35. Your favorite potato chip? Lay's.
36. What is your favorite candy? Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
37. Do you burn or tan? Tan.
38. Astrological sign? Libra.
39. Do you own a gun? No, but I may reconsider. I think you should be able to shoot one
person a day, especially tourist season.
40. What do you think of hot dogs? Love them, but only at Fenway or on the grill.
Like you need to know any more intimate details of my life.... but here
I go anyway.
1. Do you still have tonsils? Yes
2. Would you bungee jump? Been there, done that in Cancun.
3. If you could do anything in the world for a living, what would it be? Private Detective.
4. How many tattoos do you have? None.
5. Your favorite fictional animal? Hobbes, from Calvin and Hobbes
6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? I'm a pretty easy target.
7. Do you consider yourself well organized? Absolutely. To a fault.
8. Any Addictions? Love, baby.
9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? MSNBC.
10.Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? Circus.
11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? Pediatrician.
12. Best Movie You've Seen This Year? Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix.
Unbelievable. But as some of my close friends know, I dress up as Bellatrix when I'm alone.
I'm just kidding, Geez.
13. Favorite alcoholic drink? Calypso Cooler from Sam Diego's.
14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Pee. I'm practicing for
pregnancy.
15. Siblings? No,Thank Christ.
16. What is the best thing about your job? BABIES.
17. Have you ever gone to therapy? Have you met me?
18. If you could have one super power what would it be? Read minds.
19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? No.
20. Have you ever gone camping? Yes, and in an actual tent.
21. Gas prices! First thought? I at least like to get a kiss when I get fucked.
22. Your favorite cartoon character? Winnie-the-Pooh. We share the same birthday.
23. What was your first car? 1983 Blue Nissan Stanza nicknamed the "Turbo Beastette".
24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? 35 and unmarried, you tell me.
25. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? Cos.
26. Do you go to church?Christ, No. (Sorry)
27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Oprah.
28. What errand/chore do you despise? I don't do floors. Don't sweep. Don't mop. Don't vacuum.
29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? My alarm went off at 10pm last night
so I could get up and go to work, what do you think?
30. Last time you puked from drinking? Same day as the bungee jump. You didn't think I
did that sober, did you?
31. What is your heritage? English, Irish, Indian, and Townie.
32.Favorite flower? Tulips and Peonies.
33. Disney or Warner Bros? Disney.
34. What is your best childhood memory? When I was little, my
grandparents had competing vegetable gardens.
My grandfather and I used to go out to her garden
and pick the cucumbers.
Then we would sit outside with a pocket knife and a
salt shaker and eat them.
She never could figure out why her cucumbers just
wouldn't grow. (Sorry, Nana.)
35. Your favorite potato chip? Lay's.
36. What is your favorite candy? Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
37. Do you burn or tan? Tan.
38. Astrological sign? Libra.
39. Do you own a gun? No, but I may reconsider. I think you should be able to shoot one
person a day, especially tourist season.
40. What do you think of hot dogs? Love them, but only at Fenway or on the grill.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
F****** Computer
Let's see.
2 1/2 year old computer.
$1200.00 at that.
2 hard drives in 15 months.
Restore Windows XP 2 times in last 2 weeks.
Yeah, which means lose everything.
WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
Seriously.
But anyway, now that the computer is back up and sort of running, here I am.
2 1/2 year old computer.
$1200.00 at that.
2 hard drives in 15 months.
Restore Windows XP 2 times in last 2 weeks.
Yeah, which means lose everything.
WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
Seriously.
But anyway, now that the computer is back up and sort of running, here I am.
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